Best Local TV News: WIS-TV
A recent survey of members of the Committee of Concerned Journalists confirmed what anyone in the field of journalism already knows — local TV news gets no respect. Ratings and ad dollars, yes; respect, no. So when a local TV station is able to go against the grain of its genre and actually earn the respect of its viewers, kudos are in order. Congratulations to WIS-TV for presenting everything from city and state politics to traffic, weather and civic announcements in a professional and engaging manner. Dan Cook

Best Political Stunt: Pigs in the State House
Gov. Mark Sanford has his faults, but you gotta hand it to him for making national news in May by carting piglets nicknamed "Pork" and "Barrel" into the State House to protest lawmakers summarily overriding 105 of his 106 budget vetoes. To the legislators: If that irked you, try acting less imperious and more mindful of the concept of separation of powers. To Sanford: Just don't use grown pigs if it happens again. Eric Ward

Best Corporate Monopoly: SCE&G
It's clearly a mixed blessing to be named "Best Corporate Monopoly," as it means you're the best at something that just about everybody hates, except of course the monopolists themselves. My only interaction with SCE&G involves sending in my bill once a month (yes, I still use snail mail), in exchange for which I am granted the magic of electricity. As far as I can tell, they're doing just fine in that department, and they even sent out a crew quite promptly the last time I had a downed power line spewing blue sparks in front of my house. However, I can't help but wonder how much less I might pay if South Carolina discovered this concept called market competition. Dan Cook

Biggest Gripe About Columbia: Heat
It's way too hot here. Worse, it's not even as bearable as Africa-hot, because the humidity is so thick you have to cut a hole to breathe in the summertime. Put it this way: If you have to be prepared to put on a sweater or a pair of shorts on Thanksgiving, something's not right. Runners-up for biggest gripe: The rebel flag on the State House grounds and the lack of synchronized traffic lights downtown. Eric Ward

Best Place for Public Sex: Finlay Park
I'm impressed, Columbia. Here you are suggesting that the best places to drink alone and smoke pot are at home, but you're bold enough to admit Finlay Park is where the daring nymphomaniacs go at night. (Maybe we gave you too much wiggle room with those other two categories.) If I were the exhibitionist type (or even lucky enough to have options), I'd probably be right there with you. There's a universe of possibilities hiding in that urban oasis. Some of you might opt for the swings (aw) or the playground (naughty, naughty) or even the waterfall (an all-too-obvious choice, if you ask me). Me? I'd plop down right next to Kirkman Finlay's statue on that bench. If you're going to go swimming, you might as well get wet, right? Kevin Foster Langston

Biggest Traffic Nuisance: Malfunction Junction
Whenever I'm looking for an adrenaline-inducing near-death experience, I need look no further than the intersection of I-20 and I-26. There's nothing like trying to merge onto I-26 with the twin goals of avoiding an unscheduled trip to the airport and dodging a convoy of Hummers and SUVs that are driving like they're late for a flight. Dan Cook

Best Burrito: Moe's
Blame it on all the "buy one, get one free" coupons they put in our paper, because there was a time when I was craving Moe's every time I wanted to go out to eat. I usually opt for the "Joey Bag of Donuts," and when the staff is done building (literally) to my specifications (another perk), it resembles a bullet casing from a howitzer — they all do! Accessorized by a generous portion of nacho chips, tasteful music from dead people and vintage paintings of even more deceased musical icons (though the John Lennon looks more like comedian Mitch Hedberg), Moe's is a hip hideaway to fill the bill. Kevin Foster Langston

Best Salad: California Dreaming
The California Dreaming Salad is the only salad that eats like a meal; this is no mere appetizer fodder, people! The folks who devised this Death Star attacked the farm from all angles when it came to making an ingredients list, and the result is a wonderful specimen that probably defeats the purpose of an honest salad. Top it with the house dressing for a full-on calorie fest, and only now, after all these years, will you finally know what Mama Cass was really harmonizing about. Kevin Foster Langston

Best Concert: Prince, The Colonial Center, April 21, 2004
The Colonial Center was enjoying a banner season of shows last spring, and Prince was its unquestionable linchpin. Rising from the center of his cross-shaped stage, Prince, arms outstretched, declared, "I'm here, Columbia!" A bit full of himself, this guy? Of course, but if you're Prince, it's your God-given right! Why? Because the man backs it up! It was everything you'd expect from the most versatile musician/performer of the past 25 years — a performance that even transcended the shoddy sound that plagued the cheaper (relatively speaking) seats. Having seen him once before, my favorite part was his acoustic set. For one, it was the first time I could really make out his words, but it was also a very charming and intimate moment with an incredible songwriter and presence. Kevin Foster Langston

Best Brewpub: Hunter-Gatherer
The founder and former publisher of Free Times knows a lot about beer, and one of the things she knows is that I am a lightweight with no right to express an opinion on this subject. Nevertheless, I concur with our readers on the choice of Hunter-Gatherer as Best Brewpub on that grounds that it's a damn nice place to have a beer; the fact that it's made on the premises just makes it that much better. Dan Cook

Best Bathroom Wall Wisdom: Art Bar
Like the first person who looked at a lobster and said, "I bet there's some good eatin' in there," I marvel at the genius who first felt the urge to unload his/her mind on a wall while he/she was also unloading his/her bladder and/or bowels. It's been said we do our best thinking on the commode, so maybe it came naturally. At this point, I consider bathroom wall wisdom a public service, because any social butterfly in the metro area will tell you there are some scary bathrooms out there. Distractions are key, and I applaud the Art Bar and its patrons for making this an art form. I've yet to find any slogan that tops, "My favorite Walton was John Boy's mole." Close — in proximity and rank, however — is "I have enormous genitals." That's just priceless. Kevin Foster Langston

Biggest Columbia Eyesore: Busted Plug Plaza
Yes! Columbia, you have vindicated me! I feared I was the only one ­ that blind, community-based loyalty for Blue Sky was blurring your better judgment and tastes, that you actually liked that pretentious, over-sized fire hydrant. I keep waiting for The Onion to get a hold of it ("World's largest dog treks to Columbia, S.C. to relieve itself"), but I'd prefer a wrecking ball. Why do we have this, even after he blatantly stole Tunnel Vision from Wile E. Coyote? Meanwhile, West Columbia is fining a couple of teenagers for "vandalizing" the Riverwalk with sidewalk chalk. I weep for the present. Kevin Foster Langston