Best Thing About Columbia: Low-stress Lifestyle
It's a large university city without the trappings, such as insane traffic and immorally high rent, that most cities like it have. You can get downtown in 10 minutes from just about any neighborhood that isn't in the cookie-cutter, strip-mall, white-flight, SUV-dominated, conspicuous-consumption, gated-community, the-neighborhood-association-says-you-can't-hang-a-towel-on-your-front-porch zone. Eric Ward

Best Music Station: 90.5 FM, WUSC
Shining like a beacon that cuts through the dense fog of commercial and pre-packaged corporate radio, WUSC is the lone bright spot on the Columbia FM dial (save NPR's affiliate stations). With a program agenda that aims to educate its listeners with independent and cutting-edge music, WUSC is an institution to discerning listeners within the radius of its broadcast signal. Part of its charm is that you can switch over to 90.5 and hear quite possibly the best or worst song you've ever heard. It's mostly run on the whims of students who care so immensely about the music they love that they want to share it with complete strangers. That passion and commitment is nowhere to be found in mainstream radio, making WUSC the most important radio station in town, if not the state. Open your ears, and your mind will follow. Kevin Foster Langston

Most Annoying Billboard: All of Them
In a perfect world there would be none of these hideous purveyors of commercialization, mucking up the scenery, breaking our minds. Specifically, series-wise it's gotta be that god-awful South of the Border blight on the way to Myrtle Beach. But this is a Columbia-centric issue, so it's the billboard on I-126 heading into and out of town. It detracts from the serene view of the railroad trestle, the Congaree River and the trees. Eric Ward

Best Place to Smoke Pot: USC Campus
Where's the best place to smoke up? That depends on your goal. If you're aiming for a kind of transcendent epiphany — a "whoa, dude" moment — then you need to get high, literally and figuratively. How about the top floors of USC's Capstone, where on a clear night you can see the lights of a billion stars and a hundred thousand homes. Just don't get caught. Now, if you're looking to get toked and get paranoid, then head low. Try the network of passageways under the USC campus, where in your altered state you just might have a terrifying run-in with the legendary third-eye man, a belligerent homeless person or some pissed-off USC police. David Axe

Best Neighborhood: Rosewood
It's got a little bit of everything: black, white, brown; red, blue, purple; revitalized, run down; college student, working professional, retiree; dog barking, cat wandering; khaki normal, bizarre freak show — it's just cool like that. But the real reason, at least for me, is there's a really cute brunette I often see hanging out on her front porch as I'm driving home. Also, my place is affordable and has a tree canopy. Eric Ward

Best Place for a First Date: Speakeasy
First dates should always be pre-dates — that is, something short and casual in a public place with plenty of escape routes. Try an evening coffee at Adriana's, a cocktail at Speakeasy or Sunday brunch at Café Strudel. Or, if you're the kind of person who doesn't believe in eye contact on the first date, take your potential flame to Riverbanks Zoo, where you can walk and talk amongst plenty of distractions. And, hey, if animals ain't your thing, how about a stroll through Riverbanks' botanical gardens? All said, I prefer Speakeasy, where even if the date sucks, you can still get hammered. David Axe

Best Art Gallery: City Art
City Art is not only Columbia's largest gallery, but it's also one of only a small handful of private local galleries that consistently seeks out and presents the most talented and thought-provoking local and regional artists. The gallery's annual "Emerging Artists of the Southeast" series is especially noteworthy for its scope, ambition and overall contribution to the local visual arts scene. Dan Cook

Best Breakfast: Original Pancake House
The International House of Pancakes as Best Breakfast place? How unoriginal can you get, Columbia?! Then again, this is the same town that thinks Sonic has good onion rings and Red Lobster has good seafood. Pathetic. You'll never fail to see a long line awaiting entrance to the Original Pancake House, because these people have dipped their toes into the waters of breakfast bliss and are drunk with their memories of fluffy pancakes and omelets the size of footballs. The only time I see a line at IHOP is after "last call" on Saturday night when boozers begin the complex and arduous task of avoiding impending hangovers by greasing it up a bit. If you're going to indulge yourself in the fabulous exploits of breakfast fare, at least do it at a place that won't leave you smelling like pancakes for the next three days. Kevin Foster Langston

Best Coffeehouse: Cool Beans
In a town boasting a half-dozen dedicated coffee shops and several restaurants with good coffee bars, the best has to be Cool Beans on College Street, not just for its rotating selection of coffees including some nice flavored blends, but also its, ahem, eclectic clientele. There are the weirdos in the smoking room and the fresh-faced Christians across the hall and the legions of late-night studiers and caffeine addicts. Did I mention that Cool Beans has great food? Plus, this former turn-of-the-century house underneath towering trees is also haunted, according to some patrons and staff — a major draw if you like a little spiritual phenomenon with your latté. David Axe

Best Thai Restaurant: Bangkok
I hesitate to quibble with the Free Times readers who selected Thai Lotus as the Best Thai Restaurant, because I too have eaten at Thai Lotus, and I'm inclined to agree with those readers' high marks for the place. But sometimes our loyalties must remain with our first love, and for me that means choosing Bangkok. It was the first place in Columbia where I ate Thai food, and if ever the term "comfort food" could be applied to a Thai restaurant, it's Bangkok that must be given the title. Dan Cook

Best Hamburger: Five Points Diner
There's a magical force behind the burgers served at the Five Points Diner, and this is coming from a veteran of Columbia's cherished burger circuit. In my mind (and tummy), the Diner tops them all. If anything, I credit the marinade first, because the aftertaste stays with you for a couple of hours (in a good way). Then there's the sheer size of these bad boys! Not for the faint of heart, I assure you. If you're feeling particularly suicidal, take on the Psycho Burger, which piles on a slice of ham, some bacon and a fried egg. Have mercy! Kevin Foster Langston

Best Indian Restaurant: Touch of India
You still think this is a podunk Southern town with no good ethnic food choices? What decade are you living in? Columbia's ethnic dining offerings have exploded in the past few years, and there are several excellent contenders for the title of Best Indian Restaurant. When forced to make a choice, however, my money is on Touch of India. I've eaten Indian food in Atlanta, Washington, D.C., New York and Europe, and the food at this place can take any of 'em. Dan Cook

Best New Local Band: Petrillo Relents
It's no secret that alt-country was my first love when it came to me establishing a sense of musical identity, and Petrillo Relents encompasses the raw, rustic beauty and elegance of the genre at its best. Forming in the summer of 2003, this has been a breakout year for Andrew Francis, Andrew Hoose, Jeff Johansson, Dave Michelson and Bill Stevens. Informed by blues, country, folk, R&B and soul, their eclecticism speaks true to Southern grace, making Petrillo Relents a local treasure. Kevin Foster Langston

Best New Local Band (Runner-up): The Movement
If I had the luxury of picking two best new local bands (and it appears that I do), I'd call on The Movement as the other Columbia band that has established itself as a genuine heavy hitter in the clubs and festivals around town. These cats combine reggae and hip-hop to render an undeniably fun and laid-back vibe that can melt away even the most staunch of inhibitions. If you're missing these guys, then you're missing out. Simply irresistible. Kevin Foster Langston

Best Bar to Go to with Only $10 to Your Name: Art Bar
As a permanently sidelined drinker (a.k.a. professional designated driver), when I go out with my friends, I'm always feeling like the kid at the pool party who can't swim. Frankly, bars and clubs are intolerable when it's 2 a.m. and you're the only sober schlub in sight. To the carousing crowd, alcohol almost becomes necessary if only to endure these conditions, but it can be a horror show when you're surviving on ice water and Diet Coke alone. The Art Bar is perfect for me, because I don't feel left out when I go there. I don't need the buzz of barbiturates to enjoy its cool music, hip clientele or fetching environs. If through some miracle of modern science, I could one day drink again, the Art Bar would be my first stop. Kevin Foster Langston

Best Place for Public Sex: USC Horseshoe
The lawn of the USC horseshoe late at night is easily the best place in Columbia for public sex. It's quiet, green and warmly lit — and big enough that you just might get away with it. The danger of getting caught by patrolling campus cops makes your little outdoors romp all the more satisfying. Gothic-minded lovers should stake out one of the many walled gardens on the perimeter of the Horseshoe. What could be more arousing than dying rosebushes and crumbling red brick walls? David Axe

Best Pet Shop: Wild Things
I love rats: big ones, small ones, long-haired and no-haired. They're smart, clean, personable — and they only live two years. At most pet shops, my taste in animal companions draws looks of horror. But not at Wild Things on Forest Drive, a quaint mom-and-pop operation with a wide selection of fish, reptiles and mammals, including puppies. When I confessed that I was looking for a pet rat to replace Chewie — God rest her little rodent soul — the staff at Wild Things not only didn't look horrified, they recommended Bubba, an old overweight Dumbo — a rare, large-eared breed renowned as lap rats. It was a match made in heaven, and I even got a discount for taking Bubba off their hands. Bubba and I spent many happy months eating yogurt drops and watching Seinfeld before he joined Chewie in that happy rat hole in the sky. Thanks, Wild Things. RIP, Bubba. David Axe